Tuesday, March 23, 2010


Some of you may have noticed that I haven't been to terribly consistant about posting every day, and my posts have been ramble-y and boring. After a few days of lacking anything interesting to say, I've come to a conclusion.

Oh bother, I have blogger's block.

And I don't know why! My life hasn't changed all that much (I've switched from burritos for lunch to mostly toast, cause we're out of tortillas. Yeah, I know, earth shattering). Yet, I can't seem to come up with stuff worth talking about. GAH!!!! It's driving me nuts!!!!! So please, pretty please bear with me here, till I get my mojo back.

*cringe* yeah, I actually came up with something for today, though I don't know if you're gunna like it.

For my evil English class, I got an assignment to write some poetry. *twitch*
If there is one thing I cannot wrap my brain around, It's poetry.
So, hopefully to avoid a bad grade, could you possibly, pretty please with a cherry on top tell me if this sucks or not?

I am the glowing light of dawn
sparkling on the dew of the morning.
I am the bright beams falling through the leafy boughs
warming the children laughing below.
I am the dazzling red of the sunset
as if the sky were engulfed in brilliant fire.
I am the summer sun.

Uh, so if that didn't kill you, I'm impressed with myself.



  1. Um . . . Hi.
    You don't know me, but I found your blog through Creative A's . . . So here I am, don't kill me!

    About the poem. It's pretty. It really is. And I like it. :) But I'm incredibly picky . . . so yeah. I've just got two suggestiongs.
    "Boughs" and "below" rhyme. It kinda threw me off, since the rest of the poem does not rhyme. I'd say either use rhyme all the way through, or don't use it, because a mix may throw people off slightly. . .
    Also, you'll notice that the third line "I am the bright . . ." is slightly longer than the others. It's nothing serious, but to me, it seems to mess up the rhythm a tiny bit. so, I don't know, maybe you could cut that line a bit, or re-arrange it a little, which could solve both "probelms."
    (Like I've said, I'm incredibly picky, so those two bits stand out to me, but I guess most people wouldn't mind it much. Just me. >.<)

  2. Ooh! *Waves* Hi LS! :)

    Dorkvader, I know what you mean about poetry. I don't get normal poetry myself. I write it and like it, but apparently, I don't 'get' it. So I can feel your pain.

    With that said, I liked this. It was short and sweet and held some nice imagery. Also, interesting span over time. Two suggestions:

    "I am the dazzling red of the sunset
    as if the sky were engulfed in brilliant fire."

    I'd cut the "as if the." In poetry, from what I've seen, you want the connection to be more immediate. Right here you're comparing, but you don't have time for that. Just go ahead and say the sky is engulfed in brilliant fire. More powerful :)

    The only other thing I can suggest is, maybe you could stretch some of your adjectives? Give them more punch? Like instead of "dazzling red of sunset" you could say "effervescent red of sunset." Instead of "glowing light," you could say "candle light" or something less familiar.

    Again it's just that you want to pack in as much punch as you can. But this coming from a girl who knows nothing about poetry....

    Hope you get a good grade! This deserves it.


  3. LS-Hi! *waves frantically* I may be crazy, but I promise not to kill you :D
    Awesome suggestions! I had thought about the second one briefly, but I'm pretty unexperienced so I left it. I think you're right, and I will apply your critiques as soon as I have time! Thanks!

    Creative A-Thanks! I can definitely see what you mean about the 'as if the' part. And I'll use your other advice to.

    Seriously, thanks you guys so much! I'd hoped for some help, but I didn't expect this! you rock!